Brass In Pocket

got brass in pocket, and i'm gonna use it

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My Alter-Ego

You scored as Hippy.



Athletic Tomboy


Popular Bitch


Nerdy Girl


Preppy Girl








What type of girl are you?!!
created with

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Castles Made of Sand

Take the quiz: "Which'>">"Which Dead Rock Star Are You?"

Jimi Hendrix
You are Jimi Hendrix! You're influential to many young and old, and very talented. You most likely good with your hands... are you? You are very happy and like to experiment with drugs. Oh, he died in 1970 from a supposed drug overdose, it's unknown what drug.

"Castles made of sand fall in the sea eventually."

Poor amazing brilliant starshine died at 27. I've only got a year to go to make me his kind of shiny!

Friday, July 29, 2005

A Final Ballad

No, I wont be the one to condemn who have left,
only those who do and are to the country's cries, deaf.
It hurts to think that some just don't have the will
to fight for what's theirs and just go for the kill.
There are those who use exploring as a means to escape,
and there are those who come back and heal that what was raped --
Our country has lost so many great minds,
among those, the kind you mention who can make a difference if they stand on the frontlines;
along with the others with great ideals
but are too small, not strong enough. but do powerfully feel
Nationalism in its simplest appeal.
The concept seems just too quaint
for the youth who have not with martial law dealt.
Our energies divert to shallow purposes -- not help.
You're right that we must take the talks out of the coffee shop tables,
and start to take action and show them that we are able.
Youth should never be wasted on the young,
but here we are at 26, so culturally dumb -- jaded and glum.

My friends abroad, I understand
the stirrings inside them in another land.
I can only hope, and wish, and pray
that they can deliver their promises someday.
Improve their lives and reach for their dream
and then reach out to those whose eyes lack the impassioned gleam.
We have only ourselves and our fellow men
and the strength of the Lord, forever and ever, Amen
to keep our dear country afloat,
and so it is important that WE PINOYS ROW OUR OWN BOAT.

So tama na cause I'm late for school!
But I do severely miss you and... the way that you drool.
Do good over there and come safely back home,
and be the bright star to guide those who aimlessly roam.

The Other Side of the Story

Of course sending out a message like that, i did expect a few strong reactions here and there. I love my friends. I like how we can bounce thoughts off each other, even if we have varying views on things.

I'm attaching a portion of the reply that my friend sent back to me a few minutes after I emailed my little ode. She is currently based in the US and working with a non-profit that supports and trains independent media arts practicioners in underserved communities.


but on this day, i am obliged to share some thoughts,
in a little reply -

trust in your choice in a career to teach
even if you've traded in your high heels so on tip toe you must reach

with a clearer head and a stronger heart,
now you've come to the difficult part

a back and forth among peers
a question as to what we have been doing all these years
a life of complacency is not one you live
so how can we be more pro-active

collective action is what it takes
but not just rallying in the streets, because, at times, that is what breaks

a critical look unto ourselves
questioning our knowledge, colonial mentality we must dispel
and remember that we too, in different degrees,
have and have been oppressed
and this must be addressed
to free ourselves from this history of chains
and the years of misinformation that have been ingrained ...

this fight is not just for the masses or the middle-class
it is a struggle for us all as Filipinos, but alas
we still fall into these naming traps
that delineate, divide, so our spirits collapse

you're right to note, our biggest flaw
is succumbing to the powerless identity that has been ascribed to us all
but this past week, i'd like to say
i've seen power, even from so far away

responses flying, impassioned cries
come together, i think you'd be surprised
to talk things out, not just shout in the streets
to think through what we the people really need
the solution is not to come up with just one answer
but to be critical and to DREAM, and to commit to those STRUGGLES hereon after

politics should not be of another sphere
tucked away for conversations, far from all ears
it is our responsibility, to keep engaged
part of our rights not to remain enslaved

one last note, before i bounce
i must respond to comments that made me flounce
re. the people that have "up and left"
i will speak for myself personally, and try not to digress

i speak for myself, and myself alone
that people need to check their own
misconceptions about the easy life and the american dream,
because then things are more problematic than they seem
it is important to articulate what we really think is wrong
and what we have been trying to fight for all along
because if you think that the picket fence
is a real escape in any sense,
then you and i will be on different lines,
because it is that life that i am trying to undermine
a life created by media moguls and wealthy men
so who controls the real power then?

a populace lulled into a false sense of comfort,
stripping others of liberties in the name of freedom, they purport

in these five years i have grown
and new ideas have been sown
it's sad to see that many people think,
that one can forget about one's country in just a blink

why, you ask, am i still away
well, i ask myself that everyday
i am aware of the privilege i have to make these choices
and for now, am seeking out to learn from many other voices
but know that this is all strategic
to build to the time when i can come home to stay
and to be able to help to figure out which is the best way

and as i write from the belly of the beast
know that i am with you dreaming up a scheme
to envision and work for a reality that we will one day gleam

and with that, i bid you adieu
'til the next time
happy birthday to you

much love

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

New Year, New Look

How eventful was my year, the answer to this I fear.
365 days have passed, and still it seems to have gone so fast.

Ok fine, so I still don’t drive. But with my bicycle I survive.
At 6am I get out of my warm bed
to bike to school in a skirt and helmet (color red).
I've quit Advertising after 5 high-heeled years,
to become Fraulein Maria with my 9-year old peers.
I teach them songs but without the guitar,
instead I play it on the Montessori tone bars.
I've caught every virus and developed many a rash,
and my kids had the gall to ask if I'm growing a moustache.
Twas a big jump from my corner office job,
but each day as a teacher, I'm beginning to love.
Sure, it doesn't pay as well, it's still tough to make ends meet...
but at least I get to go to work in my Happy Feet.

I got my annual birthday singaw
and the fever, true to form.
Since last year, I've lessened my coffee intake
from five cups to four.
And I also dearly miss being a shoe whore.

Went to India last January, and in May: Bukidnon.
Straight down to Camiguin and ended in (de Oro) Cagayan.
I missed Sagada, but got to stay in Doanne’s Boracay apartment, Station Negative One.
My next possible vacation will be all the way in October
With Grad School every Saturday (this translates to: Social Life = Over).

Turning 26 catches me in a fuzzy cloud;
thoughts roam in my mind -- so hard to say them aloud.
I'm not as eloquent as I'd like to be.
Choosing the right words doesn't come easy for me.
I think big thoughts which come out so small
when I speak it. They don't sound important at all.
But they bang on the edge, demanding to be uttered.
And I'll say it once, despite criticism or disparaging laughter (ok bad rhyme).

I think we don't care enough, we're so quick to let go
-- of our own heart, of being a Filipino.
We're all rotten apples in a rotten barrel, you say.
And we'll never get anywhere if we choose to stay.
People play dirty in this country and it's just plain pathetic.
We scream we work hard and screech all the dramatics.
We middle-class pay for all the stupidity we breed,
we put into power people driven by greed.
It's best to hit the road, reap our deserved success elsewhere.
We think we can do much better when we don't even know what's there.
We lament that we're hopeless, that our country will never make it.
Though much of these are true, can I just say, "Please shove it."

What exactly are we complaining about, and have we done anything to help?
Does "not voting next elections" mean the next artista for president, we’ll accept?
Or are you just planning to pack your bags and leave this for someone else to fix.
And go take that California trip to get your kicks on Route 66.
Of course that sounds easier, shinier and painless.
If I do that, it'd be heaven to just worry about how may shoes I can buy from Payless.
Ditch the damn Philippine economy brought down by the country's own vileness.
Besides, it's way beyond our powers, we're just the middle-class that's voiceless.

But then we forget;
that's exactly it.

We remain voiceless if we yell above all the guttural noise.
We forget that we could make the better choice.
We're so angry and cynical, and we're just nearing our 30s!
The adversity we face is nothing like our parents' war testimonies.
Let's be more proactive than over-reactive (naks!)
And when it gets overwhelming, just keep things in perspective.
Be the bigger person, put our education to use
and reach out to those who have much more to lose.
What remains for us to do is to just lead by example, can the complaints.
Start making a difference, with faith, and without restraint.
Do good where you can, believe that it will thrive.
That person you touched will pass it on and keep it alive.
Someday, you'll see rewards in the seeds that you plant.
It will make, at least, one life significant.

I'll stop my rambling right here, but I'm glad I got that out.
Many want to do the right thing but are stuck in doubt.
Don't know how to take the first step, don't know where to begin.
Just stop for a moment. Breathe.
We're closer to the answer than we imagine.

Start right where you are.

To my friends in CISV, we're lucky to have our role in place.
We have four lives in our care, four lives to embrace.
Use our own lives as examples to usher in Hope,
Teach them the comfort in prayer, how to battle apathy, how to lengthen their rope.

So back to my update for July 27,
now one year older, if wiser – unproven.
Twenty six years old but the waistline’s still fifty.

Still rudderless when it comes to finding my true North,
I'm not hard to please, kahit kamukha pa ni Garth (Wayne's World -- schwing!)
As long as he can sing.
Perhaps the veiny arm requirement, I can waive
For him, my V...oluptuousness, I will save.

They say the universe is just as it should be.
Perhaps it is.
But I still don’t have my iPod and my Real Simple magazines.
It’s trippy to make it this far with my horrible rhyming.
But my friends, don’t you think my effort is quite charming?

Ok maybe not.


july 28, 2005

But today, as I send this, I must recitfy
a claim above that is no longer true
I now happily own a silver iPod
(though most have thought it'd be blue)
I acquired it without a swipe of my battered credit card,
and with it came an even greater reward.
More than bonus points or 0% instalment plans,
more than miles that would get me to France.
I am reminded that I am loved
(and that's important as you age!)
And that I should let go of emotional baggage.
Real friendships overcome the bad-tasting days,
and humility will get me back my PB&Js.

Without suspecting; truly overwhelming, to be loved is so peachy.
A heartful salamat to my wonderful groupies!

Friday, September 10, 2004

She's Always A Woman To Me

She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me.
- She's Always a Woman, billy joel

How can anyone forget this song, immortalized by one of the men in the industry who just aged so sexily?

I used to get senti listening to this song. But recently, this song would conjure up images of Maite in my head when I'd hear it. No, hindi pa naman ako nababading no, but for Maite, yes, I will dedicate this song to her at Red Box. You see, tonight, I realized that Maite and I have really become friends, beyond the CISV ties that bind. We have only passed two summers together but I know that in my old age, I would love to have Maite nearby as we watch our hair turn white and have our Magdas retire, side by side.

I pay homage to Maite tonight. Let me tell you why she really is a heart's delight.

1. Maite is synonymous to the word: RELISH. She grabs the balls of Life and milks it. Nag Tuguegarao yan kahit nangangatog sa takot. Nag-bikini yan, kahit na kami yung natakot.

2. Her every word, her every thought and action proclaim only good feelings that she harbors in her body. She chooses only to do things she likes, surrounds herself only with people she loves, and will always find a something enjoyable in everything even at the most dismal of moments. She can create her own happy place anywhere.

3. Maite dishes out compliments without restraint, so casually as if greeting you good morning. Of course there is also the need to reciprocate in order for her to keep the source bubbling over. But she will not let a good hair day, or pink cheeks, pass without snaps.

4. Maite lies outrageously to keep the peace. And she looks like Puhss in Buhts as she does it. Kahit bukong buko na yan, fight parin!

5. She went to yoga all on her own! And she hasn't yet blamed me for her creaking body.

6. Maite is all woman. She believes in her Power. And she knows she deserves only the best. She thinks that Prince Charming is real. And sometimes, napapabilib niya ako.

7. She does a mean Moose song. I especially love it when he spills his juice on his hair.

8. She will test your patience and toss her hair at you and tell you to "Chill" as you really emit cold sweat from hypochondria. But she will deliver. More than you can imagine.

9. And despite her adherence to hedonism, she readily accepted taking in my kids for the weekend. She will sleep in a stranger's house tonight with 4 very trying children for whom she admittedly has no love. She will bring them to Alabang tomorrow where she will be responsible for every smart thing that is spewed out by my 4 kolokoys. And she will choreograph their dance number for the Sunday program (but i don't think she knows that yet). Either that, or she will be conned to dance with them. These are the same kids who insisted that I be the Elephant in the Black Eyed Peas album cover.

Maite is selfless and selfish at the same time. She will come to you bored to be bored with you but you will always end up with a bellyfull of laughter. She will surprise you many times over at the goodness of her soul. And I'm actually half-afraid that my kids will love her so much, they wouldn't want me back anymore.

She brings out the best and the worst you can be. Blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.

Monday, August 30, 2004

This Is How We Do It

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

This quote was actually sent as a memo to each person in our office. By our boss. And that is why we drink every Friday. That is why we drink at 1pm, 5pm, it's all the same to us. Our pantry is well stocked with every poison of choice of each one.

How can I possibly leave an office like this?

Friday, August 27, 2004

25th floor musings while looking out at Manila Bay

Soundtrack: Waiting in Vain, annie lennox

looking out the window memories creep and i do not know from which part of my self they come but the sound i hear tells me this is home. this is happiness. it will come again, the same way the golden orange blanket sweeps across the bay, with tiny glitters of hope saying, i shall come again.

found in another notepad in the middle of a mess on top of my table